Rhyme and Reason
by a.kane.lilac
Summary: songfic...dark subject matter, Duo's dark thoughts


  
Rhyme & Reason ~songfic....song by the Dave Matthews Band  
By akane amiboshi_ri@fushigiyugi.com  
Dark-kinda an alternate universe timing, but somewhere still during the war  
1x2, mild shounen ai  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
DISCLAIMER: GUNDAM WING is copyright Sotsu and Sunrise and not by me, they are used here without permission, but for purely entertainment purposes and not for profit. The song Rhyme and Reason is copyright by the Dave Matthews Band and is also used here w/o permission, but with the utmost respect.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
**Oh well oh well so here we stand  
But we stand for nothing  
My heart calls to me in my sleep   
How can I turn to it**  
  
"What's the point?" A very flustered Duo stood with his hands on his hips, staring at the other four pilots with a look of genuine sincerity.  
"The point?" Quatre was a bit taken aback. He had just finished describing their next mission. "We have to stand up for the colonies. We believe in the colonies!" Heero looked over at Duo. There were dark circles under the young American pilot's eyes. His eyes were dull, not quite devoid of feelings; he just looked like a pit. Duo looked as if he was walking an imaginary line, between reality and his own self-disgust, his own self-denial. Heero actually felt sorry for him. He felt that he should go over and embrace him, tell him it was okay. But that was out of the question. Soldiers don't have feelings, they can't love, no matter how close that love could be...just out of reach.  
  
**Cause I'm all locked up in this Dark place-  
And I do not know   
I'm as good as dead  
My head aches-  
Warped and tied up  
I need to kill this pain**  
  
Duo flopped down on his cold hard bed after completing yet another seemingly meaningless battle; at least to him. He curled under the black sheets and flicked off the lights. 'There. In the black. The color of death. The color I feel now. Everything. Its too much. Why? Why must I still fight? I don't care anymore. Everyone I love has died, why must I still live?' Duo curled in a fetal ball, a dark sick pit, welling in his stomach. 'I don't want to do this anymore.' Duo tried to shut out the cries of the lives he took that day. But while the dark usually comforts the God of Death, it can also magnify all of his horrors.  
  
**My head won't leave my head alone  
And I don't believe it will till I'm dead and gone  
My head won't leave my head alone  
And I don't believe it will   
Until I'm six feet underground**  
  
A long black robed figure stalked Duo's dream-time visions. Calling out. Beckoning him to join him, become one with him, one with Death. To truly be Death, it reasoned with Duo's unconscious, was to join Death. Seeing the faces of the dead, their blood on his hands, floating through his dream. he screamed.  
  
**How long I'm tied up   
My mind in knots-  
My stomach reels   
In concern for what I might do or  
What I've done  
It's got me living in fear**  
  
Heero knew he was jostled out of sleep for some reason. At first he couldn't tell why. All seemed still, and silent, but then...the walls. He swung his bare feet out of the covers and let them fall on the cold wood floor. The walls were resonating. With a sound. A loud shriek. Blood curdling. 'Duo and his nightmares?' Heero reasoned in his not-quite-awakened state. A shot of sheer terror whizzed through Heero's gut. A feeling of impending doom. Sensing a slight bit of urgency in the air Heero stood and turned to the door and began padding down the long hall to Duo's room.  
  
**Well I know these voices must   
Be my soul  
I've had enough   
I've had enough of being alone  
I've got no place to go**  
  
Duo sat up crying in his bed. 'Never. They've never been...been...like that...so damn real.' Duo shook his head from side to side, all the while holding his braid firmly against his chest. The house was silent. 'I no longer care. Why am I here? I don't like this existence anymore...' Duo sobbed. 'That dream was right...it must have been trying to tell me something. To be Death; Death, the only real ending, the ending of pain; to be Death I must become...'   
  
**Six feet under   
In my grave  
Lying wired and shut and quiet in my grave  
Leave my here   
Leave it to me to waste here**  
  
A small shard of moonlight pierced the black curtains tacked to Duo's windows, sending its heavenly glow onto a small metal object, reflecting the light, sending it in several different directions. Duo eyed the small metallic object.   
"My way out." He mumbled and climbed out of bed; cold floor beneath his bare toes; reached over to the dresser and picked up the small knife. 'This room was my abyss and this life my hell, so let it also be my grave.' Duo's eyes filled again with tears, tears that spilled rapidly down his waxen cheeks, tears of self-pity and fear of not having a purpose. He licked his now salty lips. To be Death...   
  
**So young and here I am again  
Talking to myself  
A TV blares  
Oh man   
Oh how I wish I didn't smoke   
Or drink to reason with my head**  
  
Heero stopped at Duo's door and put his ear up to it. Nothing. 'Maybe Duo went back to sleep?' Heero listened again, straining every nerve, trying to make out any sounds. Nothing. 'He must have gone back to sleep. Heero reasoned. He began to walk slowly back down the hall, his worry gone, but feeling rather stupid to have been worrying. Soldiers do not have feelings. 'I really shouldn't worry. But with Duo sometimes...' Heero's mind drifted to a time a few months ago after a particularly difficult mission. Heero had actually been tired enough to show it. Duo was dragging. He almost fell out of Gundam after it was over; both of them had been awake for at least 4 days of non-stop action straight. Heero smiled as he remembered how sweet it was to feel Duo's weight in his arms as he carried him to bed. He really didn't mean to fall into bed with Duo when he finally set the Deathscythe pilot down. He was just too exhausted and there was a double bed right there in front of him, with Duo in it. So he fell in too. After about several hours of fitful sleep Heero had awakened to feel Duo's arms around his waist, to see his handsome face sleeping so close to his own, to hear his soft snoring sound... Heero had just then opened the door to his own room when it hit him. Snoring. Duo ALWAYS snored. He had heard NOTHING. Heero turned tail and ran back down the hall, willing his feet to move faster with each step. He cursed at Quatre for buying mansions with such long hallways.   
  
**But sometimes this thick confusion   
Grows until I cannot bear it at all  
Needle to the vein   
Needle to the vein  
Take this needle from my vein my friend  
I said **  
  
Duo sat on the bare floor, cross-legged, contemplating where to slit himself. 'To be Death...I hate the world...these rhymes and reasons (1)...I no longer believe...I no longer...'  
  
**In my grave  
Lying,  
Lying, cold in my grave**  
  
Duo looked about his dark room. The only light from the small shred of moonlight and the eerie glowing of his clock radio. 3:30. 'This is a grave.' Duo thought as his dream vision came back to him, beckoning him to join those whose blood stained his hands.  
  
**The reason-  
My reason  
Take my head off; this terror   
The fearing won't come back  
I can't see   
My mind's all wiped clean**  
  
In desperation a small part of Duo's brain woke up out of its dismal state and tried to shake the rest of himself against the hypnotic visions of his dream.   
"Duo?" A deep voice asked, muffled through the thick bedroom door. "Duo, I heard a scream, are you okay?" The concern fell on deaf ears, as Duo's personalities were at war with one and other. Heero frowned and asked again, louder, but not wanting to wake Wufei who was hopefully still sleeping only three doors down. (2)  
  
**The needle  
Make my great escape  
I seem caught up in time   
My head leaves me behind**  
  
Duo held the small knife with a death grip now. Shaking. "No more. To become one with Death..."he murmured through a shaking jaw, aiming the sharp side of the knife against the pale soft skin of his thin wrist. His door was shaking too, but with strength behind it, a voice behind it, calling out his name, repeatedly, in frustration, deep and husky, in worry. Duo sniffled, not hearing...   
  
**Body fall cold**  
  
Heero rammed his shoulder against the door again. Shouting all the while. He no longer cared that Wufei was trying to sleep down the hall. He had to see Duo. Hold him. Make sure he was...'No I can't think like that, Duo wouldn't...' Actually Heero was so caught up in his attempts to kick down the door he didn't see the Chinese pilot staring sleepily at him in wonder.  
"DUO!" Heero gritted his teeth and kicked with all of his furry at the stubborn door. With a giant cracking noise it fell in splinters to the floor of Duo's dark room. In a corner, in a small heap sat Duo, shaking. Moonlight danced from behind his black curtains and fell across the American's glossy hair, sparkling almost in a halo. The light set his features all awash and pale, ghostly; almost devoid of everything. Almost devoid of life. On the floor, next to the ghostly Duo, sat a small knife, reflecting a small shard of moonlight across the room. Seeing this, Heero's emotions fell cold. He knew not exactly what he did. All he knew was...   
  
**And I see heaven**  
  
...Duo's eyes were looking up at him. Heero found himself on the floor, Duo's thin frame laying in his lap, moonlight still casting a halo across his handsome features. Across the room by the door lay a small knife, Heero had apparently picked it up and cast it as far away from Duo as possible. Heero looked down at the beautiful boy in his arms, and smiled. He was okay, but he had to know...  
"Why?'' Heero whispered.  
"I was afraid, I didn't see the rhyme or reason behind it all, but now I do, now I see heaven." Duo looked up at Heero's face and smiled back, a sincerely genuine smile, a smile of love. Heero only held him tighter.  
  
-------------------------------------------owari-------------------------------------------------  
notes  
(1)ooh I'm creative, look it's the title of the song...  
(2)a band, they sing that song Kryptonite, its real good, the band is cool too  
  
Yeah so its longer than I ever expected, but that's okay, I don't feel like sleepin' *-*;;; actually that was my first songfic (shows don't it) but I liked doin' it so there! I really don't know exactly why duo was all spazzy, he just was okay? You know that little daydream Heero had of him and Duo after that long mission, I think I'll make that into a fic, not a songfic mind you **everyone breaths a sigh of relief** well anyway like I said this was my first songfic, so if you liked it PLEASE send a comment! I have another idea, I just don't want to do it if everyone hated it-_-;;; so if you even remotely liked it...please?  
  
Questions?...Comments?...Concerns?...Criticisms?...Death Threats?  
Email me at amiboshi_ri@fushigiyugi.com  
  
`ja  
-akane  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
the above fic is copyright akane, no posting w/o my permission, but if you would like to post it, just ask, I just like to know where my fics go. Thanx -akane  
  
  
  



End file.
